So I just watched the last vlogbrothers video which ended with John Green being weirdly excited about being able to use “I don’t know” and it got me thinking how we spend our whole lives thinking we should know everything and feeling less than others that know more and getting frustrated by that. And how much better it would be if we knew everything… Yeah right, I’m kidding – knowing everything wuld be hell. But being able to say “I don’t know” gives you the freedom to ask for answers, help, to learn new things and even to add the magical phrase “and I don’t care” after it sometimes.
There are some of the things I don’t know:
- I don’t know how long I’ll stick to writting this blog but I love it so far
- I don’t know why I find my friends so annoying lately
- I don’t know if I’ll go to lectures tomorrow
- I don’t know which is the double letter in “tomorrow” so I have to google it basicly every time but I get it right more often than not
- I don’t know why people all around the world are dying from easily preventable causes
- I don’t know why I’m never on time but I keep trying and someday I’ll get it right
- I don’t know should I right I don’t know in the start of every sentense or it’s getting annoying for you too read
- I don’t know why every guy I like doesn’t like me back
- I don’t know if Umbridge is Trump’s magical sister but it sure looks like it 😀
- I don’t know why people are suffering.
- Why I feel so inadequate so much of the time
- I don’t know if everyone else feels the same way
- I don’t know how I can change the world
- I don’t know what color the ocean is
- and I’m doing this right?
… and many many more!
Thank you for taking the time to read this and feel free to add the stuff you don’t know!
So I’m a big Alice in Wonderland fan (you may have guessed that already). It is because I can see myself in different parts of her journey and right now I’m falling and waiting for the ground to hit me. And it’s exactly as her fall, long enought that you realize that you’re falling and panic and actually get bored and be scared out of your mind all of the time.
I have been jumping in the middle of the night for the last few night, hasn’t happened in a while and then I was too sad to fall asleep and my heart was pounding and I just feel helpless and broken. Anxiety is a bitch! It’s a bitch even when you are extremelly rational, even worse maybe because you realize what’s happening but you still can’t stop it. And then you’re in a place that you wonder if the other people on the bus can see how broken you feel and how many of them feel the same way? How do you tell you friends or family? And even if I understand what might have unlocked this thing now, I still feel bad because I don’t feel like I have the right to feel so unhappy, I’m more fortunate than most people in the world and extremely grateful for it. But this sadness is taking over me and I feel like I need something of someone to fix it but you know the knight in shining armour is just not interested in saving this damsel and she is not even sure she wants to be saved but she sure is in distress.
Truth is I need a break, I’m just not sure from what exactly. And there are so many things I have to do that I don’t feel like I can affort it now.
However, if you’re reading this: Thank you for taking the time! And sorry for my not so coherent writing.
This is the post excerpt.
Hey you, glad you made it here!
My name is Ellie (well there is a longer version of that but since I’m going to use the anonymity of it to share some stuff that should be enough for know). I’m 23, in my last year of university, I study engineering and currently feel very much stuck! I guess that’s the reason I’m starting this whole blog thing (some self help books might also be involved). The thing is I don’t even have a reason to complain and that makes me feel even worse for feeling bad. I am healthy, have good friends, a family that loves me, I’m studying something I actually like, volunteer and read a lot. I don’t get to travel as much as I would like to but does anyone ever? And my love life is currently non existent but hey I’m mostly happily single.
So yeah I figured out that I need to figure some stuff out and decided to create a place for me to pour my thoughts and hopefully make some sense of it all!
First blog post