Update time: Obviously I didn’t keep on writing for very long but it’s time to get back at it and see how long it will last this time. I actually quite enjoy writing and in this way it doesn’t feel like a diary somehow.
So let’s see what makes sense and what doesn’t and how am I trying to improve both. Turns out I most likely have ADHD which ends up explaining a lot of the messy stuff in my life, a lot of the moments that I feel inadequate and why I find it hard to finish stuff on time no matter how much effort I put in it. Having it actually diagnosed where I live is not exactly possible in the moment (too much stigma, too little information even among the doctors) but making sense of it, realizing I’m not alone and adopting or at least trying to addopt some of the techniques to deal with it on day to day basis is actually helping a lot by itself. So this blog is going to be used as an accountability tool as well from now on.
I just realized that my last draft for the blog was more than a year ago and I don’t know where to start, so many things changed and then again when I checked my previous posts I could say that too few things have changed. Life is messy and I’m ok with it but some messes need to be fixed, improved or plainly removed from a persons life.
I have a sore throat which is the result of going to lots of yoga classes in the evening and forgetting my hat but is also a result of a lot of struggling with not being heard and a lot of shouting resulting from that and a lot of frustration as a result of the shouting and still not being heard. So it’s time to let it be, shut up for a few days literally, on social media and in all other ways I find fitting in order to feel human again. Somehow writing seems like the right way to express everything and the fact that no one will get offended from things expressed here also helps.
All this is said and done in the light of a few events in the past month that resulted in a few comments how I’m too direct and a bit harsh sometimes and as much as I don’t feel like this are nessesary bad things to be maybe I should think about it and try to adjust at least a bit. I’m getting tired of the way this part of me is affecting others and myself, so I’m giving the softer side of me a try. Who knows maybe I don’t need to feel like I need to fight in order to deserve the love and affection of people…